![]() Why do I lack a sense of identity?ĭevelopmental psychologist Erik Erikson coined the term ‘identity crisis’. If you don’t know who you are, and you have surprised yourself in the past with your own quick decisions and sudden changes of opinion, you can feel that you can’t even trust yourself. You might also have troubles holding on to a relationship or social circle for too long, or find you hang around with people who control you and tell you what to do. You will likely suffer a fear of intimacy. So there can be a lot of self-protection going on that prevents real connection with others, even if you tend to attract a lot of ‘friends’ and are often in a relationship. If you aren’t sure who you are, you can have a fear that others will find out that you are actually nothing much, and then not like you. The truth is that as much as you want to know who you are, there is a fear of knowing, too. Your identity crisis means you get bored easily.Īt the heart of not having an identity is often a restlessness, as if you are afraid to settle down, incase you commit to the wrong thing that makes your life worse instead of better. Perhaps you have developed good tactics for avoiding this, like changing the subject, or turning questions around on to the other person, then just agreeing with them. It makes you uncomfortable when people ask too many questions about yourself. You don’t like being asked about yourself. Even if you are disagreeing with someone, on a certain level you ascertain they like a challenge so present an opinion that allows for debate. Whether you realise it or not, you will be changing your opinion to please others and find acceptance. You might even find you change your mind from day to day and never know what you’ll agree with next. This can include big things like political and religious beliefs, or just your opinion on popular culture and things like food and fashion. You often have radical shifts in your opinion. It’s easier to be what they want than admit to your identity crisis. You will convince yourself that what they like is what you really like, but you just didn’t know it, even if you have just gone from wearing black and listening to classical to wearing cowboy boots and listening to country.Īnd if your partner doesn’t like things you’ll give them up, down to changing your friends sometimes. Likely the sort who feels bereft without a relationship, when you do get into one? You change your hobbies and appearance to match your partner. It’s as if you are more formed by your environment than your own choices and personality. If your next job requires you to be chatty and upbeat, it will soon seem as if you were always the social type. If you work at one job and everyone is studious and quiet, you will be studious and quiet. 7 Signs That you Lack a Sense of IdentityĬheck for these seven factors that show you might not have a stable sense of self. If we lose our job or a loved one, if we have to move countries and leave our family behind, all these things can leave us so bereft we temporarily lose sight of ourselves.īut a real identity crisis means we don’t develop a solid identity as an adolescent. ![]() And what does an identity crisis look like? An identity crisis is thought to develop because the environments you grow up in don’t give you the support you need (see the section below, “Why do I have an identity crisis?”).Ī study published in the International Journal of Development Research looked at how teenagers’ personality dimensions affected their identity, and they found that there was no link to having an identity crisis. You are not born with a uncertain personality. Some report looking in the mirror and finding it hard to believe it is them looking back.Īn identity crisis is not related to your personality. ![]() ![]() They feel a different person sometimes from day to day. And if I have identity issues?Ī person without a sense of identity can instead feel a disconnect from who they have been, and/or no sense as to who they will become next. We are not, for example, going to act the same around a romantic partner as we act around our parents or colleagues.īut even with these variances in our behaviour and moods, we feel we are the same person underneath. We might be moody, or act differently under stress, or depending on who we are around. It doesn’t mean that we act the same all the time.
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